Its A Rough'un.

Today. Todays rough. I was woken up today by a lady calling from a MOMs group thing at the hospital. Yeah, the ones who do pre-registration for delivery and l&d tours/breast feeding classes. Apparently they never got the memo that I would not be needing their services at the current moment. This one thing, as sympathetic as she was, really set in motion my mood for the remainder of the day. Ugh. Sucker punch. Also my medicine I was prescribed -- the one for "uterine evacuation", I had to pick up the remainder of from a different pharmacy yesterday. Along with it came two pages of reasons for taking the meds. Main one? Highlighted to add insult the injury? "Reasons for this medicine: used to help minimize heavy bleeding after the delivery of a baby." Yeah, I had a baby -- not the full term kind they are implying there though. Plus the curious looks I received from the pharmacist as she glanced from me to my wandering toddler, were clearly followed by the thoughts, "hmm... Wonder where her baby is?" Freaking blows. I'm so sad. I just don't want to do anything. I don't want to take a shower (I did, reluctantly), Don't wanna get dressed. Don't want to eat, or I eat too much. Don't want to sleep, but don't want to be woken up or awake. Don't want to be asked questions by well intentioned friends and family. Don't wanna think about it, Don't want to awknowledge those who are pregnant and get to keep all the babies they make, I just don't want to do a thing, But think about how damn unfair this is. One time is bad enough, losing a tube to another, that sucked too, and then this?! Why did I have to see my baby?! Why is each loss 10x worse than the previous?? What's gonna happen next?? Stillborn?? I can't handle that. Right now we are waiting for the carpet people to replace the carpet in the townhouse we are moving into. We were supposed to be moving this weekend -- not happening. I'm sick of waiting for stuff. For answers. Hmph.